Fark headlines that didn't make the front page

Fark is one of the main websites I visit several times a day (the other two are Slashdot and AnimeNation). It has the option to submit news stories with clever headlines.

Unfortunately, none of my headlines have ever made it to the front page of Fark. On the plus side, Fark saves a copy of these rejects, so people won't have the pleasure of reading the current news story, they can at least see what I submitted before it disappears into digital heaven.

Here, for your amusement, are the articles I've submitted:

2004-11-12: Girl discovered sealed in piñata, luckily found before being beaten to death for delicious candy
2004-11-09: Showing she's the power behind the throne, the Fist Lady reopens avenue outside White House to pedestrians
(Note, original article had "Fist Lady" typo)
2004-11-07: Tony Blair wary of receiving "controversial" Medal of Honor. Apparently "controversial" means being offered a different medal. (Second paragraph)
2004-11-02: Dutch filmmaker who depicted Islam as violent killed in protest
2004-10-21: Swatch, Microsoft to join forces. "When do you want to go today" to be new slogan
2004-07-28: The "fabric of our lives" causing trade talks to unravel in Africa
2004-07-24: Scientists discover chick flicks more romantic than the Godfather. Cancer apparently unaffected by offers it can't refuse
2004-07-20: Want that healthy, natural glow? Drink refreshing radon water
2004-07-20: Old and busted: betting money. New hotness: betting babes (third story down)
2004-07-19: Photoshop the difference Founding Mothers would have had on the U.S
2004-07-15: In addition to being more fun to look at, women have better color vision
2004-07-15: Hong Kong, Singapore beat the U.S. in economic freedom. In an unrelated story, the Axis of Evil gains two new members
2004-07-08: Theft of chicken mascot rocks Oregon town. Sadly, the Smoking Gun is not there
2004-07-07: Divorced wife wins right to future earnings, manhood of former husband
2004-06-27: Man withdraws consent for embryo implantation against partner's wishes. Infertility ensues
2004-06-22: Betty Botter bought a bit of butter, but bugs sense bitter better
2004-06-17: Beans, Artichokes best source of antioxidants, claim stinky scientists
2004-06-07: 95% of all statistics made up. Scientific papers weigh in at a painfully-honest 38%
2004-05-05: University of Iowa refuses to play Braves. Wimps, Cowards still acceptable mascots
2004-05-03: In a bid to confuse future archeologists, New Zealand astronomy enthusiasts recreate Stonehenge